I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
