Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
