all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
