There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
