No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize