I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
