a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
