she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
