He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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