it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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