We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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