he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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