It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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