Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize