Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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