bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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