and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
