Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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