Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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