So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she smelled like a LAN party
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
