Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
