This girl is more easily done than said...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
