how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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