We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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