its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
