I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
