I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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