It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Never underestimate the power of titties
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
