it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
