He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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