I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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