Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When are your genitals available?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize