The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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