sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
