Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
