I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
