So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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