pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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