I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
