You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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