I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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