I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
