I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he fucked my hip out of place.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize