Four minutes until I can fart!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize