grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
