just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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