So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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