Plan B is the new Plan A
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
