Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
