Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize