I think I died a long time ago.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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