Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
