i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
