five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
