hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize