I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
