I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
