is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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