you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
