i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
