Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
