I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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