Heybabeimwearingurpanties
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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