that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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