Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
