Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
