listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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