I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Go christen that room with your naked body.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
