I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
