Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
