Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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