dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
