I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
