he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
