thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
