He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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