I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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