i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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