and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
