She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
