I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
