YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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