When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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