Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
