You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
