oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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