I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
