you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
