do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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