very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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