We won't sleep together?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no, he came in my armpit
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
