I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
