sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
