My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
