some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
