last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
