I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize