with your own penis?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
