he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
