and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
