This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
