I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
