I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
